Confuse-cious

I'm really confuse of what do I want to achieve in my career. Have you ever thought about that? Sometimes we are just too 'numb' with our daily jobs it didn't even come across our mind. Suddenly, it strikes me and I've been thinking, what do I want to achieve and what can I achieve? I can't find the answer.

When I was with the first company, I clearly knew that I wanted to be in the managerial level, to be able to manage projects and enjoy the fruitful outcome. Unfortunately, the projects didn't bring any value to the company and I realized that I can't continue to do this forever. Knowledge is everywhere but definitely it doesn't come by itself. So I chose to seek for other opportunities and take up a completely new challenge hoping that I will be able to learn more and fill up the weakness in me. It did widen my horizon, at the same time enhanced the way I interact/ communicate with customers. Although I felt cheated but it was a good learning experience.

Currently, again I'm in a completely completely new industry (I don't understand why I keep doing this to myself -.-) where I don't have a clue of what is happening around me. It feels horrible not knowing your field of work and the evil colleagues started to challenge and attack you every now and then. Random people had been asking me how did I end up here? I can't tell them the true reason but it's not so important now. My only option is to excel and meet the expectations. But how?

I'd explained to numerous people about my situations but no one seem to understand. A technical person who used to work in software development and all of a sudden, she has to do sales for an analytical lab, write reports, interpret test results, meet potential customers and talk about quality testings? Doesn't it sounds.... tough? A very simple example if we turn the other way round. If you are a chemist and I ask you to design a database, does it sounds ridiculous? This is exactly what is happening. I'm not complaining for I'm willing to take any obstacles/ challenges but sometimes I just hope that people around me will be more understanding. Let me tell you it's not easy, try to be in my shoe. My superior have been asking me many times what is my marketing plan in order to start my own customer base. To be honest, I have no idea what is a marketing plan -.- Project plan yes, marketing plan? No.

As much as I want to do more and try to meet whatever expectations put on me, I do need time. To learn up the new technical aspects of this 'alien' industry. Otherwise, how to market and sell? I don't believe in short cuts and not knowing what is going on, then try to bullshit all the way just to get the deal. One day for sure you will hit the wall. To clear things up a little, I'm not a superwoman alright? People takes minimum 3 years to get their degree in chemistry or microbiology but I'm expected to get the grib of things within few months. I wondered what I get myself into. Sigh.